LIFE AND LETTERS OF JOSEPH HARDY NEESIMA

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294 TO EUROPE AND AMERICA AGAIN. may assume an unpleasant attitude towards your Board, not because they are ungrateful to you, but are so zealous for the grand cause of our common Master." 0£ another letter from one of the Mission, relative to a serious misunderstanding of his position and ac­tion with respect to an important matter then before the Board, he wrote to Dr. Davis:-"It is the most insulting letter I ever received in my life. I am sorry to say it is thrown into the waste basket. When I read it I said within myself, 'What l have I lost a sense of honor? ' But I knelt rig·ht down for God's grace to preserve me in his hand. I am all right now. Please do not mention it to any one." After explaining his action he continues: -"My aim was to :reconcile two parties. However, I believe my attempt was terribly misunderstood in Kyoto. Then I said calmly and sorrowfully, I sup­posed our good brethren had more confidence in me. Have I acted as their traitor? God forbid that I should ever betray our dear brethren. How sad and discouraged I was then I cannot describe. My only comfort was that the matter could be explained after­wards. I believe I am blamable for my writing too impetuous letters to you. I was too anxious to rec­oncile two parties too soon. It is a humiliation to me that I have made numerous mistakes. It is better for a sick man to hold his tongue. Allow me to assure you I shall ever abide .faithful to your mission." It soon became apparent that Mr. Neesima could not obtain the rest he came to seek unless he was com­pletely withdrawn from all that tempted to activity. Accordingly in December, 1884, he started with Dr. Clark for Clifton Springs, New York, where he re-

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