LIFE AND LETTERS OF JOSEPH HARDY NEESIMA
268 TO EUROPE AND AMERICA AGAIN. ing for my wife and parents, my gratitude to Mr. and Mrs. Hardy, came up at once like a volcanic fire. Still above all these feelings I believe I perfectly resigned myself to the hand of my Heavenly Father, and asked him repeatedly to receive my soul to his bosom if it be his will. While I was suffering from a most distressed feeling in my chest, how happy and how thankful I was for the Father's kind care over me, and especially for his forgiving grace manifested through his son Jesus Christ. Then I sat up in bed and wrote the inclosed will on two sheets of drawing paper which I then had with me for sketching. While writing that I almost fainted away. Towards evening I began to feel a little better, and took a cup of tea. I slept quite well. On the following morning I was still better, but had not strength to start for Andermatt, so I took a carriage from Airolo and reached Andermatt about dinner time, resting quietly there that afternoon. Desiring to see a doctor I started for Lucerne on the 8th. My chest was examined by Dr. Stocker. He warned me to keep myself quiet for a few days, as he found my heart out of sound state. I desire to keep these papers, because I had then a most unparalleled feeling I ever felt in my past life. Since then I feel more and more my life is not for me. Whether I live or die I must live or die for Christ. May the Lord ever keep this sin-wounded soul under his protecting hand, and count me as a least one in his kingdom through the righteousness of Jesus Christ. His most unworthy servant, JOSEPH H. NEESIMA.